(7 December 2011) Kim’s birthday
She sits there in the front passenger seat, dog struck. It has nothing to do with her program. I said don’t talk to strangers but that did not mean to act blind, deaf and dumb. You could mistake it for pride, but the truth is she is holding her breath in case the breathing exercise diminishes her limited energy for rolling a crab in to the ground.
Ok, she is holding her breath in anticipation of the glory tjorrie not making it to the beach where she can bring her weight down on a bewildered crab.
People say she looks very healthy. (Not the car.) It is the polite way of saying your dog is fat. The vet was not so polite. She said Jedi is fat. Jedi’s program does not include that word. The tenants on the property don’t have that program either.
When Jedi flirts with them it is equivalent to playing the jackpot. You want to play it. This jackpot of course takes jacksnacks; also known as Jedi-snacks. The more you put in through the fat lips the more you get out. She has all these faces stored up in there and the better the snack the better the face.
There are those tenants who have blind spots for wooing dogs. Don’t try this. Rob did and it cost him dearly. Jedi pulled out a boerboel bark and as Rob was cornered at his only entrance, he fed her as much as it took to prevent himself from being a dog meal. Being a vegetarian he has now stocked up on dog biscuits. He also learnt that her bark contains no bite, only spit.
If you want to see a perfect example of humbleness, share this experience with me.. Jesus said to turn the other cheek; Jedi did just that.
My neigbours Boerboel dog (Bushka) came down on her like a ton of cement.
I was the witness standing at the top of my neighbours stairs with nothing but a prayer as security.
Jedi turned the other cheek. Cheek as in bum.
Bushka went berserk and Jedi stood in silence.
Then, in front of my very eyes, Buska’s bites turned to licks.
By the time I grabbed the nearest broom to separate the dogs, only licking was going on. Is this what the Bible means when it says in Proverbs 15: 1 “A soft answer turns away wrath,..”?
Jedi walked away like a lamb.
Frantic examination by me expected blood and cuts. When I found nothing I ran back to Bushka to see if he has any teeth. A full set under those lips!
What could I say?
Thank you God.
Liar! That is what you would call me if you saw this same dog, safely behind a fence or the window of my car, confronting another canine species. What she does to those lips of hers on these occasions could be described as another wonder of this world or a scene from a horror movie still to be made. To call her a coward would be a harsh word. This is her virtual reality fun. We all need our dreams.
There also was the time when a cat gave Jedi a hiding. This I have to write in a whisper as we don’t want dog to be reminded.
Things that run you chase. Right? We are talking about dogs. Things that stop and lay down and offer their tummies? Well you smell. Right?
So that is what Jedi did when this cat lay down in front of her with the tummy exposed.
Being a Boerboel makes for a very flat nose so by the time the nose reaches the object the fat lips are also fully involved.
It is at this point that cat called dogs bluff. No, cat called her bluff.
She hissed and hit out like the prized boxer she was and left more damage than being hit by a butchers knife.
This time there was blood. A grated nose on a dog. Shame!
Pussycat strolled of unfazed and left one very bruised ego of a dog behind.
But we wont talk about this.
Dog psychologist/psychiatrists are you reading this? Is it this experience that drove my dog to biting her nails. No need for panic, she had no squirms about wearing socks and that habit was soon under control.